A brief update on Chrissy.

Lots of progress since I last posted.

Seizures and behaviours are now more stable than they've been in years. We finally got there! Chrissy has been able to go out and about, and is really enjoying life.

She now has the continuing healthcare funding that we fought for over such a long period. This should mean that she will get a better quality of care in the community.

She has a bungalow in Winchester through social housing and last week we selected a care provider, so it's all systems go. We hope to complete the transition by Christmas.

I'll post again when Chrissy has moved in.

Genetics Advances and Learning Disability: A Parent's Perspective

My book Bringing Up a Challenging Child.....http://www.jkp.com/catalogue/book/9781853028748 was published in 2000 and takes the reader through Chrissy's life up to the age of 14.

A decade later my chapter 'A Parent's Perspective' was published in the New England Journal of Medicine. Dr Samantha Knight, who was on the research team that discovered Chrissy's chromosome disorder, was editing the journal and, as you can imagine, it was a huge honour to be invited to contribute. The book, which was published in Feb 2010, had the fabulously un-pc title 'Genetics of Mental Retardation' (a term that is still used in the US) http://www.amazon.co.uk/Genetics-Mental-Retardation-Encompassing-Intellectual/dp/3805592809 My chapter encompasses Chrissy's life up to the age of 26, and lies behind reviews on the remarkable advances in modern technologies that have resulted in newly identified syndromes and the importance of genetics in learning disability. The best way I could think of to add my chapter was in a series of images that can be opened up and read individually. The 14 pages can be clicked on and scrolled through at the bottom of the screen.





In between the two books I also wrote a piece for the Daily Mail about the groundbreaking genetic breakthrough that ended our 22 year search for answers in 2006.




I support Unique http://www.rarechromo.co.uk/html/home.asp & I'm a SWAN (syndromes without a name) blogger

Community Care Magazine: The Endless Search for Suitable Housing for My Daughter with Learning Disablities

Community Care, the online magazine for social workers & care professionals, got in touch to ask me to write a piece for them based on my post about barriers to moving Chrissy into appropriate housing in the community. Here's the link. Hope you like it!

http://www.communitycare.co.uk/articles/05/07/2013/119308/the-endless-search-for-suitable-housing-for-my-daughter-with-learning-disabilities.htm




I support Unique http://www.rarechromo.co.uk/html/home.asp & I'm a SWAN (syndromes without a name) blogger

Dear MP.....

Please read Mencap and the Challenging Behaviour Foundation’s ‘Out of sight’ campaign report which tells the stories of James, Joe, Emmanuel, Victoria & my daughter, Chrissy http://www.mencap.org.uk/sites/default/files/documents/Out%20of%20sight%20report%20Easy%20read.pdf In the report, you hear from their families, about the terrible neglect and abuse their loved ones have experienced. Please email your MP today and ask them to take action to make sure this never happens again http://bit.ly/NVtsBS

One of the worst cases in the report is that of 38-year-old James, who has spent five years at an assessment and treatment unit located 150 miles from his home. In this time, James has experienced sexual and physical abuse by other patients, numerous unexplained injuries, neglect by staff and has had multiple medical complaints left untreated. James’ parents have been desperately fighting to have their son moved to a service nearer to home.

Since the BBC’s ‘Panorama’ exposed abuse at the Winterbourne View assessment and treatment centre, last year, Mencap and the Challenging Behaviour Foundation have received 260 reports from families about abuse and neglect of people with a learning disability in similar services.

There are currently hundreds of people with a learning disability in assessment and treatment units like Winterbourne View, and other similar services. Many of these are located hundreds of miles from people’s homes, where they are at particular risk of neglect and abuse. We're lucky, we fought tooth and nail to get Chrissy placed in an assessment and treatment unit only a 30 minute drive from our home, and she visits us every weekend - but until recently service fell far short of expectations. Worse still, commissioners failed to follow up on her progress, ignored communications and did not attend care planning meetings. I've had to take numerous steps force them to take responsibility for meeting Chrissy's complex healthcare needs. A significant contributing factor is a four-year Ordinary Residence funding dispute between the NHS and local authority.

While these units were developed to provide short-stay, specialist treatment for people with a learning disability who have experienced a crisis, in reality, over half (53%) of patients remain for two years or more and nearly a third (31%) stay for more than five years. Assessment and treatment units have been described as “dumping grounds” by learning disability experts. Chrissy has been at her unit for over two-and-a-half years and is nearing the end of her treatment but, despite her complex needs and the Challenging Behaviour Foundation's assertion that it can take 12-18 months to find places in the community for someone like Chrissy, commissioners refuse to start planning her discharge and have repeatedly broken promises. I have had to take on care management responsibility and drive every aspect of Chrissy's care while the NHS commissioners who pay for her treatment turned their backs on her.

Since a change in leadership the hospital are finally doing everything I wanted them to do for Chrissy in the first place, so I DO see the need for assessment and treatment units in crisis situations like the one Chrissy was in but they need to be as Mencap and the Challenging Behaviour Foundation describe, and subject to closer scrutiny by outside services, especially responsible commissioners. The pathways to transition patients into these units need to be far better managed too. After two traumatic residential placement breakdowns, we had to force the NHS trust's hand to get Chrissy into a local unit - they wanted to send her 65 miles away to a unit near Gatwick that had a bed-blocking problem and could give no definite admission dates. They are currently funding Chrissy's place at the assessment and treatment unit on a 'without prejudice' basis.

The government must urgently address these systemic failings in the care of people with a learning disability. Please contact the Secretary of State for Health and urge him to ensure that the government’s final report on Winterbourne View commits to a strong action plan to close large, institutional-style services and develop appropriate local assessment & treatment services for people with a learning disability. What has happened to the people at Winterbourne View, and those in the ‘Out of sight’ report, must not happen to anyone else.

Please also attend an important debate secured by Tom Clarke MP on this issue. It is an end of day adjournment debate on the abuse of people with a learning disability, on Monday 3 September.

Yours sincerely.....




I am a SWAN UK (Syndromes without a Name) blogger

Quality of Life and Medication

Enjoying family time in our back garden

Over the past few years medications that haven't suited Chrissy have caused her untold suffering. From general anaesthetics and pre-meds for ops in early childhood to antipsychotics, reactions have ranged from screaming & thrashing about as if acid is burning her insides to status epilepticus and a life-threatening blood disorder. I've no idea why Chrissy is so sensitive & has such strange reactions but trying her on new medications scares me witless. It's unbearable to see the torment she goes through but a relief that while she's in hospital they can respond quickly to remove medications that have caused bad reactions. Out in community-based settings, this did not happen.

When a supplementary antiepileptic caused mayhem in Chrissy's brain earlier this year, I wondered if she would ever be stable again. It was supposed to do the opposite - it's prescribed for anxiety as well as seizure control. So when her doctors started suggesting other adjunctive antiepileptics my hackles went up. Chrissy has been on Epilim alone since the end of April, and has got her sparkle back. She has been interested in her surroundings, engaging in meaningful conversations, able to focus on activities, and a delight to be around. Introducing a new drug would jeopardise her newfound eqilibrium. Was it absolutely necessary?

Chrissy's seizure freqency has increased slightly, and they're mainly complex partials that become generalised while she's in bed at night. They're all self-limiting and last for only a minute or two.

My questions were: Are they likely to damage her brain? What's their impact on her overall quality of life?

We saw the neurologist on Thursday, No, the type of seizures that Chrissy has do not cause brain damage. Hospital staff and I felt that Chrissy's life is briefly interrupted by seizures but not ruled by them. She will sleep for a couple of hours after more major seizures, then will wake up as if nothing has happened. One of Chrissy's nurses asked about the risk of SUDEP (sudden unexplained death in epilepsy) ttp://www.epilepsysociety.org.uk/NewGetInvolved/Awarenessraising/EpilepsyReview/SUDEPresearch. Her neurologist said that no one knows exactly why SUDEP happens but it's more common among people with poorly controlled epilepsy, who have seizures at night during sleep and whose seizures start from a focus then become generalised. So Chrissy does have several risk factors but close monitoring is key. She is in the next bedroom to ours at home and we're attuned to the slightest change in the sound of her breathing, and hospital staff check her every 15 minutes. She also has a baby monitor. I try not to think about SUDEP - everything that can be done is being done and what's more important for Chrissy - optimising seizure control with all it entails or quality of life?

Chrissy came along to the appointment and it was clear to us all that she was on top form. The highlight of the day came as we went to leave the hospital. She did a body-swerve towards WH Smiths, made a bee-line for the sweets then homed in on the Maltesers. There she spent ages bent double over the shelves with her bum in the air trying to work out the difference between two packs - one was slightly bigger than the other & she wasn't going anywhere until she'd made the right choice! The rapture on her face as she tucked the larger of the two packs inside her lunchbox was a joy to see. I felt elated all day as I reflected on how far she'd come.

'Don't count your chickens' Ian warned me later....

I know there are likely to be more blips but for now I'm enjoying the feeling that we've got Chrissy back. If the risks posed by her seizures increase I will, of course, be open-minded about the need for adjunctive treatment but we've all agreed for now that watchful waiting is the best approach.



I am a SWAN UK (Syndromes without a Name) blogger

After Hospital, What Next?

Last Monday's discharge planning meeting left my head all over the place. It felt like we were covering the same old ground, and coming up against the same brick walls.

A big stumbling block to giving Chrissy effective community-based support is that she isn't seen as a resident in the county where she'll be living. The NHS commissioner told us that this could close doors to a number of services run by the local authority, and observed: 'Chrissy could be disadvantaged simply because a social worker didn't fill in the right forms 9 years ago.'

The Local Government Ombudsman is still looking into the question of 'Ordinary Residence' as part of his investigation into the long-running funding dispute between the NHS & local authority over Chrissy's care.

Chrissy's plight and what Ordinary Residence means is summed up by Graham Faulkner, Chief Executive, Epilepsy Society, in a link on my post last year: http://jgregorysharingsstories.blogspot.co.uk/2011/09/specialsaturday-post-my-special-needs.html

Another big question mark hangs over the medical support that Chrissy will receive in the community. The learning disability team that worked with her before her eviction from a care home in 2009 covers a wide area in the community too, which further restricts our options. The team focused mainly on environmental causes for Chrissy's challenging behaviours & cited unsuitable residential placements with carers lacking the necessary skills to support Chrissy effectively. This led to care staff that worked with Chrissy saying they felt unsupported by the team when they asked for help, and worst still their inability to manage Chrissy's more extreme behaviours was frequently cited as their cause.

Ian & I believe the learning disability team's view was over-simplistic and downplayed a crucial factor - medication. The most marked long-term correlations in the intensity and nature of Chrissy's challenging behaviours have occurred with medication changes. So medication and environment must be optimised to help Chrissy achieve stability, and this has proved easier said than done in the two community-based residential services that she's lived in since reaching adulthood. Having said that, Chrissy has had some wonderfully open-minded medical professionals working with her over the years so we know they're out there!

Suggestions were made around the table about different types of housing options but it all came down to support that Chrissy might need in the community if she were to continue to have ‘blips,’ as her psychiatrist called them. Chrissy may be relatively stable when she leaves hospital but her mental state and health will always be precarious. There need to be robust contingencies in place or we could end up back where we started with support systems collapsing.

In September there will be another Care Planning Meeting. By then I expect progress to be be made to resolve the Ordinary Residence issue and a commitment, either jointly or singly, from commissioners towards making concrete plans for Chrissy's future care. This limbo situation can't go on...


I am a SWAN UK (Syndromes without a Name) blogger

Alex: A Sibling's Story

So, for a long while, my mum (a weekly blogger about my sister Chrissy) has wanted me to write a post about what it’s like to be a sibling of someone with autism (and a rare chromosome disorder, learning disabilities, epilepsy and challenging behaviour). As the Special Saturday theme this week is ‘siblings’, she managed to bribe me into writing about my sister Chrissy in exchange for doing my washing (thanks mum!). I can’t quite put my finger on why... but I’ve been very reluctant to write this blog. I guess thinking about my childhood, and even adulthood, with Chrissy would mean me delving into my deepest, and sometimes darkest, emotions and memories. We’ve had (and still have) some extremely difficult times, but we can’t change the past. And we certainly can’t change Chrissy!

I spoke to a researcher/journalist recently who wanted to explore what it’s like to grow up with a sibling with special needs. However, the woman had no interest in all the positive things I was excited to talk about. She was probing to explore the difficulties I experienced as a young child, which got me very frustrated. Yes, I shamefully admit there have been times when Chrissy is having screaming and violent tantrums when I have thought quite honestly and bluntly “I hate you” and even “life would be far less stressful without you...” (but it would probably also be very boring!). I find it painful to remember incidents that prompted those feelings, but what makes me feel the most guilt is that Chrissy can't help the destruction she causes… She was just born that way. I understand now that I am older that this anger in such crisis situations is natural, even between ‘normal’ (I dislike that word) siblings. I hope so anyway! So what I’m trying to say is that I really don’t like to dwell on how having a sister with autism has affected me negatively. This is the life we have, and it is very unhealthy to live one’s life thinking “what if...” If we did this, we wouldn’t be able to appreciate the best of Chrissy.

I find it much more productive and rewarding to focus on the many good things that have come out of having Chrissy as my sister. Her unique way at looking at the world is fascinating, endearing and she can be so hilarious. I have many a funny story to tell of experiences with Chrissy! Most importantly, she is to thank for my most deeply-held values. She has made me grateful of the advantages I have in life, rather than complain “why me?” She has made me learn to appreciate life, make the most of everything I do, and to never waste an opportunity, because I am lucky to have these opportunities available to me. Even just the small things, like going out with my friends... Last week Chrissy was waving at me through the window from inside the house as I left to go on a night out. I got a lump in my throat thinking “poor Chrissy”, practically a prisoner in her own home. I’ve grown up seeing that people with learning disabilities should have equal value to us all, but unfortunately often do not. I will never forget the disappointment and upset (and embarrassment and shame) I sometimes felt as a child as a result of peoples' ignorant and judgmental comments when we have been in the community with Chrissy. These feelings turned to anger when I was a teenager and, luckily, acceptance now I am an adult. But it shouldn't be this way. Why should she be locked away and not allowed to participate in society just because she is ‘different’ and may not fit with 'societal norms'?! My experiences of growing up with a special needs sibling have taught me tolerance and to never judge other people and families, especially parents, as you can never truly understand what someone else has been (or is going) through.

What is most significant for me personally is that due to Chrissy's vulnerabilities, I feel so incredibly passionate about helping others and improving the lives of those who may be less fortunate than myself. I have developed this deep empathy for others with difficulties that has led me to my current career as an Assistant Educational Psychologist for the National Autistic Society. Having a sister with autism has inspired me to do; my degree in Psychology, a range of voluntary work, work as an Applied Behaviour Analysis Tutor and Special Needs Teacher for young people with autism, my current role and I am hoping to get a place on the doctorate course in Educational Psychology this year. I feel lucky to work in a profession I am so emotionally invested in.

Finally, I recently found a letter from one of my closest friends and old next door neighbour, written to me when I was moving away, which ended with "good luck getting your future job as a child psychologist." (Which she definitely didn't spell correctly!) I was in year 9 (14 years old) at the time. Even from a very young age, I was aware of all the professionals that worked with my complicated sister (and brother – but that’s a completely different story!), but I felt so powerless to help. I vowed to myself that when I was older, I would have a job helping children like my siblings, and I would care more than anyone could. I felt tearful reading the letter, as it suddenly hit me that I am doing what I always set out to do. And this is all because of Chrissy.

I think the true reason I’ve put off this blog is because I cannot find the words to describe how much my life has been enriched and fulfilled by having Chrissy in it, and I’m afraid that nothing I write will do her justice.


Chrissy aged 9 and Alex, 5

My wedding in 2003

Xmas 2008



I am also a SWAN UK (Syndromes without a Name) blogger


& this this is part of our #definenormal blogging challenge at http://www.justbringthechocolate.com/define-normal/

Sunshine Days

Gather Ye Rosebuds While Ye May by John William Waterhouse

Mum pointed out the poignancy of these words, etched in stained glass on the front door of my childhood home in the Lake District when we went back for a visit in 2008. (Pictured in front of the door are me, my husband Ian and Chrissy's younger sister Alex).



The carefree days we'd spent there from 1968-1970 before moving back down south for dad's job, had been some of the happiest of our lives. Then, we'd been blissfuly unaware of the double whammy that lay ahead - dad's early onset Alzheimer's and the problems with his first grandchild.

Being Chrissy's mum and, of course getting older, has highlighted for me the value of seizing the moment and treasuring the good times.

Yesterday was one of those times. Chrissy was having a sunshine day, and lit up the house with her smiles, laughter and funny comments. I banished fleeting thoughts of 'I wish you'd been like this last Friday at the zoo.' With Chrissy, you have to go with the flow.

My book is threaded with references to such sunshine days - Chrissy's doctor noting her 'delightful social manner,' a trip to the circus where her whole body vibrates with joy, her uninhibited exuberance as she conducts a small orchestra at a village fete, her face wreathed in smiles at a school meeting as she shows me her record of achievement book.

Her wonderful times are as unpredictable as her awful ones - but yesterday, whatever it is that robs her of her equilibrium stayed well away. She was so joyful that she even sang to herself as she pottered around the house and, as she watched her new Snowman DVD, which I'd bought to replace one she'd broken, she enthused: 'I love Snowman!' After dinner she made us laugh by asking: 'Mummy can I have something else to eat?' and immediately admonishing herself: 'No, Chrissy, you've already had your tea.' Beaming smiles and social chit-chat replaced last week's moans, groans and outbursts. With encouragement, she was confident enough to carry out several self-help tasks independently, like taking her shoes off and changing into her slippers, and going to her bedroom by herself to choose DVDs to bring down. Normally, she demands: 'you help me!'

I've learned over the years that it doesn't matter where you are or what you're doing when Chrissy has a sunshine day - you simply bask in the warmth of its glow & enjoy it while it lasts.....



I am a SWAN UK (Syndromes without a Name) blogger

How we really feel about our Children's Genetic Blips

I belong to a Facebook group for families affected by rare chromosome disorders. We mums discuss our children’s medical issues matter-of-factly and share our frustrations about fighting for services - but only occasionally do we dig deeper into our own feelings of sorrow and loss. Then a mum asked how we'd reacted when we found out about our child’s condition. It triggered an avalanche of emotion, so eloquently expressed that I was moved to ask if I could share some of the comments on here. There’s rage, despair and brutal honesty but shining through like a beacon of hope is our love for and devotion to our Unique children.

Jenny....We only found out about Steven's deletion in 2010 just before he turned 30....In a way it was a relief to finally have an answer and since being told what had caused his problems I have found out more about my son then I ever thought possible; it has also helped me to understand him better. My hubby’s approach was: "oh well at least now we know" but I had to find out as much as I could and in fact I'm still finding things out. Guilt was my main feeling for 30 years. There are days even now, 31 years later, when I hate what our lives have become. I love Steven to bits and would give up my life for him but there are times when I hate his condition. It does not make you a bad person for feeling like this – I think if people were honest most of us feel like this at some time or other. It doesn’t mean we love our kids any less. Some of us just struggle more than others....

Anon....12 years passed after our first daughter was born before my husband and/or I stopped shedding silent tears when we saw a child walking hand-in-hand with its parents. We could not adore our own any more than we do but grief for the loss of their mobility, or conversation, or demonstrations of reciprocated love, runs very deep. On the outside, people saw us as strong and capable - role models for other parents. Human beings are truly remarkable. Yep, there have been times when I have heard my daughter talking to me and seen the girls running around and at the moment of waking, I am full of joy. You don't realise how things have affected you 99.9999% of the time...

Jennifer....We found out about 1.5 years ago and I'm still as upset as the day I was told. Many days I am unsure that I can live the rest of my life with this. My husband is the strong one who is handling it well. I know people are all upbeat about their situations and many say they wouldn't change anything. Hate me if you want, but hell yeah I'd change it. This is not fair for Brooke, for her brother or our family. I am really bitter, angry, and want to talk to whoever is in charge to get this fixed. However it's not an issue that can be fixed. A friend of mine adopted two handicapped children from China and he told me it's easier for him because he knew what he was getting into. This was sprung on us and I for one am not happy. Of course I love Brooke, but it's something that I knew I couldn't handle. I'm one of those horrible people who would see a child with Down's and say a thank you to God that we didn't have that. I'm not strong enough to deal with it. Sorry to be such a downer. I'm sure I'll get a lot of replies saying that I need to see the positive side. Yeah, I've tried that. It still has changed our lives in a way that we didn't ask for, want, or can handle. I know I’m a bad person for saying that but that's how it's affected me. I'm sure we all go through the stages of grieving and I'm stuck in the anger stage. I love Brooke to pieces but one of my fears is that she will remain a toddler forever. Thank God I have my husband. I for sure couldn't do it alone....

Leah....We got Ty's dx sometime in his first year. 10 years on and I am still angry at what we have to go through, what I have lost and what I will likely continue to lose as time goes on. I know I have gained so much as well…..This week I hate this life and cry at the drop of a hat. Next week I will be on the front lines fighting bitterly for my son’s rights..... My ex-husband...well...he's an ex...that should tell you a bit about how he handled it. He manages to accept my decrees when I throw one down and tell him he will be doing such-and-such for our son. He doesn't like most of them and most of the time I have to battle him too in order to get him to understand why they are needed.
I cried when they told me 10 years ago and I still cry on a regular basis because I am exhausted and frustrated, and tired of fighting for EVERYTHING, and tired of watching my son struggle and not knowing how to help him. He is the light of my life, the very air in my lungs...I can't honestly imagine loving anything as much as I love my little man. I would give it all up to have him healthy, to have him "normal", to have him "acceptable" in society's eyes. I would give EVERYTHING up for my son to be whole. It probably seems odd to hear these things. Most people tell you something bad and then coat it in the sugary sweetness of how wonderful it can be to be a part of these kiddos’ lives. And sure...there are GREAT moments...but I wish someone had been honest with me...maybe I wouldn't have felt like such a horrible mom and a horrible person for so long thinking that I was the only one who HATED that I was dealt this card…..There are truly SUPERMOMs out there that take it all head on...and then there are those who take it head on because we have no other choice...someone we love needs us and we do what we have to, even though we may not like it. It is scary enough just getting a dx of anything other than "Your child is beautiful and healthy!" …..Even those of us with older children are still scared to death of the dx we were handed, what it means, what we do with it, what is coming. The hard part...no one really knows...

Jen....We found out last April that our daughter (22 months) had a chromosome disorder. We were devastated. She was developmentally delayed but we mistakenly thought that meant she would "catch up." My husband and I went through different grief periods with him refusing to open up about it and me needing to. I won out of course and we worked through it together. I thought I was losing my mind. What compounded our grief was finding out that our three year old had autism three weeks later. He had been speech delayed but we were told by Early Intervention that it was just a speech issue. They were wrong. To say my husband and I were then angry at God and everyone else is an understatement. It has shaken to the core my basic beliefs about everything. I hate to add even more but then three months later (this August) my healthy 15-year old collapsed and had a grand mal seizure, and has since had another and was diagnosed with a seizure disorder. Now I’m in survival mode day to day. I have a hard time even relating to people with "typical" children. Not because I don't have any; I have nine children. I was blindsided by the issues of my kids and am on antidepressants. I was going to school to finish my degree and thought our life was going a certain way and it took a long time to accept that I may have three kids living with me as adults. Jennifer, I feel for you, every one of us can understand where you are coming from. Sometimes I can't even imagine what kind of creator could let people go through the kind of heartache that we all go through with these kids. The challenges my kids face have opened up a whole new dimension in my life that most people don't get to go to and I feel very blessed to be able to witness the tiny miracles, such as my baby signing or my autistic son calling me mom. I know people whose biggest worry is when they can get their nails done. I fight bitterness because of the lack of support from both sides of our families but I know better so it makes me almost feel sorry for them. I can't imagine not reaching out to a family member who is going through this....



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Person Centred Planning

December 2011: Note rolled up sleeves - one of Chrissy's rituals

Person centred planning (PCP) is a way to support people with learning disabilities to plan how they would like to live their life as fully & independently as possible. Anyone with a learning disability can have a PCP, even if their communication is limited, as PCP is done in consultation with people who love them and know them well.

Chrissy has been in a therapeutic unit for two years and, although she's not yet ready to move on, we need to start planning her future now. The Challenging Behaviour Foundation advised that this can take 12-18 months for someone with such complex needs.

A PCP professional visited me on Wednesday and showed me an example PCP. It included gems such as 'When I sing Bohemian Rapsody watch out. I'm not singing happily - it's a sign that I'm about to lose control and I may throw something at you!'

With Chrissy, I follow my instincts, and take so many of her quirks & rituals for granted that it's difficult to convey her support needs to someone else. However, seeing the colourful detail in the example opened the flood gates. I found myself able to take the PCP professional step-by-step through Chrissy's daily routines. I explained that when Chrissy comes downstairs for breakfast she must have the larder and kitchen doors shut, lights switched on, the area around her chair cleared of any objects that she deems shouldn't be there, her two favourite drinks with two straws, a carrier bag with handles tied in a bow containing her chocolate mousse and a banana......

After all that and more, she will only eat her egg on toast, cut up, with two splodges of tomato sauce, when she's good and ready, usually when it's stone cold!

Explaining the detail of Chrissy's daily routines also helped me to gain more insights into her support needs, which I can pass on to professional carers. For example, I instinctively know when to make myself 'invisible' for Chrissy to adjust to transitions and self-calm. It may mean removing myself from view and watching silently from a safe distance, or simply avoiding eye contact and using minimal communication. When Chrissy arrives for her weekly visits home, I try to get her coat off and settle her into my routine, but the penny's dropped that she needs initial time to herself to wander freely from room to room to adjust to her new territory. She will eventually approach me and say something like: 'Mummy, I want to go on my computer.'

PCP reminded me how important carefully managed approaches are to support Chrissy effectively. The daily management aspects of her needs should be sufficiently met in a single service unit close to her family with a team of carers that know her well - but there are other considerations. Key is the proximity, skill and responsiveness of a multi-disciplinary clinical team. Failings in this area contributed to the breakdown of two residential placements, which caused her untold trauma. When it comes to 'what next?' for Chrissy, we must get it right this time.




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Why I Felt I HAD to Share Our Story

My book reviews have finally appeared on Amazon. I saw them 10 years ago when 'Bringing Up a Challenging Child at Home ' was first published, so no nasty surprises there! My book includes a brutally honest account of how I felt at the time of writing, and I spared no one! It was very cathartic but I'd be a little more circumspect if I were to rewrite it now....

When I first discovered that Chrissy had learning disabilities, I assumed the next step would be an appointment with a specialist who would tell us the exact nature of her problems – a diagnosis. I expected to be given some idea what ‘mental age’ she would reach, and what obstacles we might face in future. How wrong I was! I gradually realised that medical professionals had no more idea than I did about how to treat Chrissy’s condition.

During her childhood I felt isolated and terrified - traumatised even - by the violent self-injurious outbursts I was dealing with on a daily basis.

I believed that Chrissy’s problems were unique or at least very rare. Now I know that there are many other families like ours living with a cherished child, whose behaviour is a nightmare to cope with. Our love for our children remains undiminished when confronted with behaviour we find abhorrent but sometimes that love isn’t enough. Our home becomes a war zone and we can no longer function while living together as a family.

Divorce is all too common in families like ours and it's often the mother left to cope alone. Ensuing social factors, such as poverty, may contribute to the child's behavioural challenges and compound the parent’s feelings of isolation.

If took 15 years for family life to gain any semblance of normality and to find ways to cope with the challenges Chrissy presents. My search for answers planted the seeds for my book and a career in journalism. I had to tell Chrissy's story, and my research led to a fascination with complex and misunderstood medical conditions like hers. I've had a number of related health and human interest features published in magazines and newspapers.

I wrote my book in 1999 when the cause of Chrissy's problems was still unexplained. My target readers were other parents in similar situations and professionals working with families like ours. I longed to reach out to other mums like myself, which is why I get so much out of interacting with you all now, and I passionately believed that the professionals needed to know what it was like living on the front line. There was a big gap in the market for a book like mine as there were plenty of medical books about challenging behaviour in clinical settings but not in the family environment. Jessica Kingsley Publishers and BILD (The British Institute of Learning Disabilities) were both interested in publishing my book. I chose Jessica Kingsley because I thought it would help me reach a broader readership.

Writing Chrissy’s story helped me to make sense of our difficult journey and led to wonderful revelations. I realised how much I had learned about acceptance and unconditional love. I discovered personal strengths (and weaknesses!) I never knew I had. After spending years in the thick of it, by the turn of the century I had the space to appreciate Chrissy as she is – and marvel over her. She has a great sense of fun and makes us fall about with her quirky sayings and observations. She is generous with spontaneous smiles, affection and cuddles, and opens our minds by showing us a uniquely different view of the world.

When my book was published, I had stopped grieving for the ‘perfect’ child I thought I'd had and learned that life’s greatest gifts come in the cleverest disguises.


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Festive Challenges and Autism Tips

Chrissy aged 9 with her sister, Alex, years before she was diagnosed with autism
Last Christmas was very difficult for Chrissy. The self-injurious outbursts kicked off on Christmas Eve then reached a peak during Christmas Day. She had 8 major outburts in 24 hours - including a hair-raisingly violent one during our 2-hour drive to her aunt's. (Her sister and I arrived in tears). Chrissy fluctuated between full-on screaming, rolling around on the floor and self-injuring, and being out of it. It was, as you can imagine, very disruptive & distressing for Chrissy herself & the 13 other family members around her. Because she was stripping off, we had to keep her hidden from her younger cousins' view - an almost impossible task.

Previous Christmases have been more Jeckyll & Hyde than last year's - outbursts interspersed with lovely times rather than lethargy. The picture above shows Chrissy enjoying herself but on & off throughout that day she had been clawing at her face & around her eyes. At one point, Ian had taken her outside in the cold & sat quietly with her for a while to calm her down & give everyone respite. Not all Christmases have been so difficult. Chrissy's autism fluctuates unpredictably like her moods, and appears to have got more severe with age.

We're hosting Christmas this year, which will make it easier to minimise triggers & manage outbursts. We'll celebrate Christmas around Chrissy & she can choose which parts to join in with. I won't involve her in the present-opening scrum, nor will I invite her to join us for Christmas dinner. Chrissy time is slower than our time. Once she's figured out that there's a feast at her disposal, she'll wolf down her meal in peace long after we've cleared the table. We'll also try some National Autistic Society tips to support The Diva through her festive challenges. Wish us luck! http://www.autism.org.uk/living-with-autism/at-home/coping-with-christmas/ten-ideas-for-a-happy-christmas.aspx



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Special Saturday - What I'm thankful for

When Chrissy was little I spotted an ad in my local newspaper inviting mums of children with special needs to get together for regular meet-ups in each others' houses. I grabbed the opportunity like a lifeline and am still in touch with some of the parents I met there. Sadly, over the years some of our children have passed away. When I’m in despair about Chrissy I try to remember how lucky I am that I still have my child. Chrissy is physically healthier than many children with rare chromosome disorders.

We're also very fortunate to have supportive, loving family and friends - and Chrissy’s step-dad of 20 years is our rock.

Another thing I'm grateful for is to have the opportunity to write about what interests me and get paid for it – many of my magazine and newspaper stories are learning disability or health related.

I’m thankful that we weren't born in another time or place where Chrissy would have been ostracised and probably wouldn't have survived childhood. The excellent Channel 4 documentary 'The Queen's Hidden Cousins' http://www.channel4.com/programmes/the-queens-hidden-cousins/4od was a stark reminder of how appallingly people with learning disabilities were treated until very recently.

I also have to remind myself how far we've come as a family. When Chrissy was five I separated from my three children's dad, & lost everything. To cut a long story very short, I ended up homeless & was terrified of getting stuck in a hostel with Chrissy disturbing everyone with her screaming episodes. Thankfully I was housed by the council just before I had to give up my marital home. I was getting no support with Chrissy from outside services & my wider family were also dealing with my dad's premature Alzheimer's. I had no idea that respite care and social workers existed to help families like ours - until I had a breakdown. It was the lowest time of my life.

Back then if I could have peeked into the future and seen how much better our lives are now it would have seemed like a fairytale!


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Antipsychotics

Did anyone see the C4 documentary about children on antipsychotic drugs? http://www.channel4.com/news/numbers-of-children-on-antipsychotic-drugs-doubles
I’m so pleased this scandal is being highlighted. There have been several reports about over-use of antipsychotics in elderly dementia patients but not in children or people with learning disabilities. I blogged about this issue last October:
http://jgregorysharingsstories.blogspot.com/2010/10/autism-industry.html
The story about the little boy on the C4 programme sent chills down my spine. He banged his head against hard surfaces and lay on the floor kicking & screaming – just like Chrissy. Antipsychotics were eventually prescribed when he was five but had no benefit. He was then seen by Professor Chris Oliver http://www.cndd.bham.ac.uk/people/ChrisOliver.shtml who suspected he had reflux (heartburn) but was unable to express physical pain due to his autism. When his reflux was treated his behaviour & self-injurious behaviours improved significantly.

Many children with 1q21.1 microdeletion have been diagnosed with reflux as babies. When I remember how Chrissy used to arch her back, and scream for ages in infancy, then head-bang as a toddler, I wonder if she had undiagnosed reflux. My blood still boils at how I was fobbed off when I sought medical help. I was convinced my child was suffering and in pain but these behaviours, & Chrissy’s prolific vomiting, were dismissed as being ‘normal’ for babies & I was treated as an over-anxious first-time mum.

After seeing the programme, I contacted Chrissy’s doctors & asked them to check for reflux again (sure I’ve done this before!), as it would be helpful to rule it out as a contributing factor in her self-injurious outbursts even now. It may be that they started off as a reaction to pain then became entrenched - but causes are probably more varied & complex. Explosive outbursts, sensory integration issues & poor impulse control are also part of the chromosome disorder. I would also like to discuss the plan for reviewing Quetiapine, an antipsychotic Chrissy is taking now. I am eager to see how she is on a gradual reduction programme as surely there should be good justification for her to be on an antipsychotic? I’m not aware of any, & it’s interesting that the investigation suggests there's no evidence that antipsychotics help self-injurious behaviour. Also, more chillingly, no one knows what harm they do over time – particularly to the developing brain of a child. I’ve seen how they affect every part of the body and have frequently expressed my deep unease at their effects on Chrissy. She was prescribed antipsychotics at 10 and different ones were tried until she was 14 and in such a state that she ended up in hospital where her whole medication regime was overhauled. When she had the platelet reaction six years ago she was put back on antipsychotics – newer ones that allegedly cause less side-effects – but I remain unconvinced that the risk-benefit balance is in Chrissy’s favour.

Here’s a list of the side-effects of Risperidone, the antipsychotic Chrissy was on prior to Quetiapine, as reported to her learning disability psychiatrist in 2008:
• Parkinsonian tremor in right hand, and, more mildly, tremor in head and mouth.
• Noisy breathing, even when sitting quietly.
• Frequent leaning to one side – Pisa Syndrome?
• Poor balance.
• Decreased fine motor co-ordination – problems eating neatly, particularly using a knife and fork, which Chrissy always used to be able to manage with no problems.
• Decreased gross motor co-ordination. Problems climbing into and out of unfamiliar things, like fairground rides, which she would have once managed, albeit with support.
• Increased agitation and shorter concentration span.
• Drooling from mouth. (Non-existent normally)
• Frequent urination and loss of bladder control.
• Reduced cognitive ability – less aware of surroundings and takes more time to process information.
• Weight gain and obsession with eating.

My concerns were initially dismissed, ludicrously, as being ‘part of Chrissy’ but eventually the psychiatrist agreed to reduce the antipsychotic dose, which diminished the side-effects. However, without the doping effect, many self-injurious, challenging behaviours returned, hence the change to Quetiapine. We haven’t seen the same side-effects, just different & even scarier ones. The worst of them settled over time when the dose was tweaked but Chrissy is now obese & still has self-injurious outbursts.

Of course, there are no drugs to ‘cure’ conditions like autism. You can adapt surroundings and use strategies to help someone cope better & improve their functioning. However in certain circumstances medication is necessary, not as a chemical cosh to make carers’ jobs easier, but to improve quality of life by treating symptoms such as extreme anxiety or a compulsion to self-injure. I don’t know why antipsychotics are so widely used in place of other medications to treat such symptoms. Have psychiatrists become too complacent? Is it a case of better the devil you know? Any medications that affect brain functioning in the way antipsychotics do should only be prescribed as a last resort and with strong justification. They should also be subject to careful monitoring.

Surely these are basic medical principles - so what's going wrong?


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A #Specialsaturday Post - Uncertain Times & Embarrassing Moments

The meeting we had yesterday to plan Chrissy’s future care was chaotic & disheartening. There was a roll call of apologies for absence – people worked on different days, a ward ‘crisis,’ someone away on a training etc. One of Chrissy’s care managers was present but he has no influence as his authority are not paying for her care. No one from the commissioning authority (funding ‘without prejudice’) attended. The psychiatrist has been unable to get hold of anyone there, which means we can’t plan Chrissy’s future.

I’ve already blogged about the funding dispute that’s leaving Chrissy in limbo. It will take a long time to plan her next placement as we need to get it right this time. A robust healthcare support infrastructure needs to be in place for starters. Another placement breakdown would be disastrous for Chrissy. The appalling state she was in through the latter part of 2009 still haunts me.

The hospital admission in January 2010 has improved Chrissy’s life. She is far more stable than she was 18 months ago but these changes have plateaued over recent months and we fear there will be little or no further improvement because the institutionalised environment isn’t geared up for her autism. There aren’t enough stimulating accessible activities offered. For months we were promised sensory integration therapy (‘The missing piece of the jigsaw,’ Chrissy’s speech therapist had said in March). Yesterday we learned that there had been a U-turn – they can’t supply it as part of the package; extra funding will have to come from the commissioners - the ones they can’t get hold of!

The meds changes took months to start due to all sorts of reasons (including the funding dispute) but we can’t thank Chrissy’s neurologist & psychiatrist enough for flagging up their concerns about one of her anti-epileptic drugs, Topiramate. We marvel over how much she’s ‘woken up’ since it was reduced from 50mg a day to 15mg. She is far more aware of her surroundings, and full of quirky observations & funny comments again. Last night, I was having eyelash extensions done for a special occasion. Chrissy was in the same room, playing quietly on the computer under Ian's watchful eye. Suddenly, she sat bolt upright, & announced: 'I poo myself in the kitchen.' The lady doing the eyelash extensions froze then we both collapsed into giggles as I explained that Chrissy probably felt the urge to go but had her tenses mixed up. There have been many potentially embarrassing moments like this but we just find them endearing, entertaining & funny. It's a good sign as it shows her irrepressible personality is no longer being clouded by too much - or the wrong - medication.

Embarrassing moments are part of what makes Chrissy who she is. We welcome them back!

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A #Specialsaturday Post - My Special Needs Child's Greatest Achievement

With exquisite timing, a story was tweeted about the chaos caused by local authorities arguing over funding responsibilities when a disabled person moves to a different area - so called "ordinary residence." I clicked on the link &, to my surprise it was our story. I had emailed various disability organisations about the funding wrangle over responsibility for Chrissy's care so assume it must have come from one of them.

The story, Ordinary-residence; extraordinary-mess http://www.vodg.org.uk/cgblog/21/105/Ordinary-residence-extraordinary-mess.html
was posted by Graham Faulkner, Chief Executive, Epilepsy Society, Vice Chairman Voluntary Organisations Disability Group. It highlights discrimination against thousands of disabled people who can't move where they need or want to due to funding rows between local authorities. It also links in perfectly with this week's #Specialsaturday theme. One of my special needs child's greatest achievements is raising awareness of failings in the system, sadly by experiencing so many of them herself.

It wasn't simply a case of a wrangle between two local authorities - CHC (continuing healthcare) was also involved & argued that Chrissy's predominant need was social care, not health. Their nurse assessor confided that they'd used 'outdated assessment criteria designed to assess people with dementia.' I am awaiting a response to a complaint I've made about this issue.

Because Chrissy was moved to a 3rd local authority after a sudden, heartless eviction from a residential home, the dispute became even more complicated. It led to delays in Chrissy getting effective care, support & medical treatment, & endless meetings with commissioners, care managers & healthcare professionals. I took legal action three times & went to the local newspaper to resolve the stalemate situations Chrissy was put in. Meanwhile, Chrissy's mental health was deteriorating. She had made herself bald on one side by ripping out chunks of her hair, & spent hours self-injuring, hitting out at others, & screaming for hours. Increasing numbers of carers were being put in to manage her behaviour but Chrissy's quality of life was shit.

Last year, we made a complaint to the three authorities involved & eventually got a joint response from two blaming the third authority for it all. We are awaiting more responses - about the CHC assessment & from the third local authority - before we can proceed further.

Legal action settled the dispute temporarily in order for Chrissy to be funded at an assessment & treatment unit but it hasn't been settled long-term as the funding agreement was 'without prejudice.' The dispute continues with no end in sight as an important meeting to discuss Chrissy's future looms.

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'How I'd like my Life to be' by Chrissy - A #Specialsaturday Post

A chance call from the Challenging Behaviour Foundation & a chat with two parents of other adults with complex needs have forced me to think long and hard about the journey we’ve been on with Chrissy over the past few years.

After 27 years of fighting to get Chrissy what I think she needs I’ve become entrenched in trying to sort out failings in the systems designed to support her. Am I failing Chrissy myself because I’m too exhausted and overloaded with information to think clearly anymore? It got me thinking… Have I lost sight of how she would want to live her life?

If she could speak for herself this is what I think she’d say…

Chrissy:
‘I’d like to live in my own home with all my own things around me, including my computer, my DVD’s, my foot spa, multi-coloured hairbands, books and favourite pictures. A garden that I could go and sit in on sunny days would feel very calming. I could blow bubbles and play ball out there too. I’d have my own chair and table outside with a sun umbrella for hot days so I could draw or watch my portable DVD, or sit quietly listening to the birds and looking at flowers with my favourite drink or snack in front of me. It would be fantastic if the garden was big enough for me to ride around in my trike, or close to a safe space where I could ride it with supervision. It musn't be too overlooked because I need my dignity respected when I lose control of my emotions & strip off on the lawn!

My home must be close to my family’s. I stay with them overnight once a week and would love to see them even more often, either at their home or mine for shorter visits. No one else could evict me or take my home away from me - it would be mine for as long as I needed it & furnished with my needs in mind. I wouldn't be forced to move to any more unsuitable places where there's no bath, nothing to do, or a string of strangers to care for me who don't understand my needs.

A wall-chart with removable stick-on symbols to help with my daily routine and planned activities for each day so that I'd have plenty of interesting things to do when I’m feeling up to it would be nice. I'd also like daily home-based activities available as I can’t always get out and about.

A bath with a rail so I could climb in and out more easily is a must. Showers are a definite no-no; the spray on my skin feels horrible. My body reacts to the world around me differently to most people's. Sensations that you don't notice, like a breeze blowing in my face, or sand under my feet feel very uncomfortable but broken bones & missing toenails don't seem to bother me. So you need to keep an eye out for unexplained swellings or hidden injuries. I have problems with balance & spacial awareness, & take my time walking on uneven surfaces, around obstacles or up & down steps. I can’t regulate my own body temperature well but fans on hot days & wearing gloves indoors if my hands are cold help. If I ask to wear a coat, scarf and gloves on a hot summer’s day, indulge me - they won’t stay on for long.

Sometimes I appear to have understood what's said to me but, actually, I may not have done; I need lots of time to process information. I can be helped through difficult times by having pressure applied to the backs of my hands, a cuddle, sitting with my weighted blanket on my lap or a massage. If an outburst threatens, I sometimes respond to tried & tested distraction strategies or basic sign language and symbols to de-escalate my distress. You may find it helpful to try & identify a trigger so it could be avoided or minimised in future. If I lose control, I don’t like other vulnerable learning disabled adults around to witness it & react with their own disgust, fear or anger. I can’t cope with other people’s challenging behaviour around me either. My own problems are more than enough to deal with.

Consistently applied behaviour support approaches are vital for me to remain as stable as possible, along with verbal communication, appropriate symbols and sign language. Any staffing or routine changes must be carefully planned and should only take place if they benefit me, & for no other reason. I need help to dress nicely, take care of my clothes & other possessions, shave my legs, keep my hair untangled and my teeth clean. Like most women, I lap up compliments & love to look nice. I especially need help to ensure that my diet is healthy and that my weight is kept under control because the medicines I'm on make me ravenous & food-obsessed.

On good days, I’d like enough support to go out for a walk, maybe to the local shop, or a drive to a garden centre or park. On bad days, I need space to rest undisturbed in my room, or have a good scream. If I'm hurting myself, I need to be kept as safe as possible, with carefully positioned cushions or sharp edged furniture moved. I'd need a safe area in my home, to which I can be directed or carefully moved with planned physical interventions if necessary as a last resort.

If I say I feel sick or start looking vacant or smacking my lips, look out for an epileptic seizure, & help me sit down somewhere. Even short seizures sometimes wipe me out & leave me confused & disorientated, so I may need a sleep to recover.

The local GP and learning disability team must be fully briefed about my condition and able to respond in emergencies – an appointment several weeks ahead is no good as my condition is very changeable and unpredictable. They'd need to be open-minded about what works for me as I'm extremely sensitive to many medications & they can sometimes induce rare adverse side-effects.

My senses get overloaded by any clutter around me at the table when I’m eating or doing an activity. I’m compelled to have two of just about everything from tissues to dollops of tomato sauce but cutting one slice of toast in half or ripping a tissue in two is fine. If I ask 100 times what’s for dinner, try to be patient & distract me but be firm with me, & please don't overfeed me to sedate me. Oh, just one last piece of advice for now - if you don’t make my bed covers all square and neat around me and turn my pillow (I call it ‘cushion’) over when I ask, I may shout at you and throw a strop.

Yes, I know I'm a diva but I have to be to survive in your world.'

This blog post is part of the awareness raising campaign - Special Saturday - raising awareness of people living with special needs around the globe. Please join the cause by joining the facebook page -http://www.facebook.com/SpecialSaturday Following on twitter - @Specialsat and retweeting hashtag - #specialsaturday Reading and following the Special Saturday Blog - http://specialsaturday.org/home/"> http://www.facebook.com/SpecialSaturday

#Specialsaturday post - A Spooky Coincidence

Because I’d had a microdiscectomy on Monday, I wondered if it was wise to have Chrissy home this weekend. After learning from her nurses today that she was relatively settled, I decided to give it a go. My younger daughter, Alex, would be here until their step-dad, Ian, came home, so if things kicked off... What I hadn’t bargained for was things kicking off immediately Chrissy arrived. As soon as her nurses brought her home this afternoon, she started asking for dinner - then repeating obsessively that she wanted chips. It escalated too quickly for us to prevent her from taking to the ground. For the 2nd time in weeks she stripped off on our front drive & had a meltdown - the most violent I've seen since Xmas. Her nurses said they'd seen meltdowns like this on the ward since her Topiramate had been reduced. They’d obviously passed us by until now. Spookily, Chrissy had a horrific looking abrasion on her back, exactly where mine is from surgery. As she scraped herself backwards along the gravel on our drive, stones & dirt stuck to the wound. Chrissy continued to thrash about, oblivious to the pain. I marvelled over how she’d never suffered a serious wound infection. The high-intensity outburst must have lasted about an hour in total and I realised, with a sinking heart, that it would be far too ambitious for me to have her home in such an unpredictable state while I was still recovering from surgery. The three of us shielded Chrissy's nakedness from the busy road outside with a blanket & her coat, & waited it out. It faltered for seconds then started full force again complete with foot-biting, hair-pulling, skin pinching & finger twisting. If we got too near we got kicked & hit out at too. “Go away!!!” she shrieked. A painter had been working at the back of our house & had now finished. I asked Alex to tell him to wait before he came round the front to his van. He could hear the ear-splitting screams clearly. "It's my sister - she's autistic," Alex explained. What else could she say? Finally, for no obvious reason, Chrissy stopped, got up & was immediately docile & compliant, chatting away as if nothing had happened. She let us dress her over her dirt-covered body & take her inside to wash her hands. She then hovered excitedly as I packed up some food for her to take back with her. "What was all that about?" Alex asked. "Had a tantrum," Chrissy said matter-of-factly. I then settled her back in the car. As she smiled sweetly at me through the car window, I felt like I'd let her down, & had a little weep in Alex's arms. Later, her nurse called to say that Chrissy was fine, & had remained settled. She also reminded me that, because Chrissy's concept of time is different to ours, she hadn't realised that her home visit had ended before it had begun. Chrissy was just happy that she'd been home to see mummy. This blog post is part of the awareness raising campaign - Special Saturday - raising awareness of people living with special needs around the globe. Please join the cause by joining the facebook page -http://www.facebook.com/SpecialSaturday Following on twitter - @Specialsat and retweeting hashtag - #specialsaturday Reading and following the Special Saturday Blog - http://specialsaturday.org/home/"> http://www.facebook.com/SpecialSaturday

A Strange Genetic Journey

I’ve just had a long conversation on Skype with a pleasant & well-informed Dutch guy whose wife & son carry the same chromosome deletion as Chrissy. He gave me a potted family history that struck a spooky chord. Although Chrissy’s deletion is de novo (maternal origin), our families share more than a coincidental number of characteristics.

The man's wife was born with a squint – the first sign of a possible genetic problem. I was too, & had corrective surgery. Her dad had one leg about 1½-2 inches shorter than the other, like me. Due to investigations into ongoing back problems, I’ve discovered that I also have subtle ‘skeletal abnormalities’ in my spine that are connected to the leg length discrepancy. There are other similarities in our family history that have made me want to explore this further - maybe with a research scientist who has a particular interest in 1q21.1 anomalies.

It makes me wonder how 'de novo' the effects of some of these rare chromosome disorders really are - or am I reading too much into a series of coincidences?

Autism & Saying No

'You are NOT going to be one of those autistic kids who does exactly as she pleases & disrupts the whole household!' I bellowed. Chrissy had been loudly demanding food all evening & had then gone rummaging through my larder. After dinner, she triumphantly claimed a pack of creamed coconut & a jar of peanut butter, then gathered the accoutrements of another meal around her. She has been very unsettled & could not accept that meal-time was over. I couldn't distract or divert her - she was obsessed with getting more food. When I removed the offending items & put them away Chrissy was furious, & took to the floor for the fourth time in two hours. Most of her outbursts this evening have been over not getting her own way. Again, we could see by the fresh bruises & abrasions on her body that it’s one of her difficult phases, not something that has only just come on. The lack of progress that has been made in changing these behaviours is depressing. I can't imagine a day that we will be able to take Chrissy out anywhere again but I have to stay optimistic. The meds changes have stalled for various reasons but I remain hopeful that there will be light at the end of that particular long dark tunnel.

Later on, this evening Chrissy gave me one of her sun-bursting-through-clouds smiles & I felt guilty that I'm not more saintly towards her when she only comes home once a week. Some weeks it's much easier to don a halo than others....